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October 9th, 2007
10:33 am - sadness
i've dealt with sadness all my life. from the time i was young i was depressed, unhappy with life at 16. fucking 16. so much could have changed, so much could have been accomplished, SO MUCH. and i sit here with almost the exact same mentality as i had when i was 16. wtf? i could blame this on any number of things, but what does it all come down to really? me. me.me.me.
now for some life changing, turn my world upside down accomplishments.
last week i started weight watchers. not just to diet and lost weight, but to learn how to eat... what's normal. i've never been a normal eater, since i was a child i've overeaten... to comfort, to entertain, just to eat. i've taken a step back, put my feelings BEFORE my intake of what's only supposed to nourish us, look at life for what it is and what WILL make it better. it's a fresh start, something i've never tried... and i'm doing really really well.
went hiking this last weekend. it was amazing for so many reasons. we hiked into the wilderness where hot springs lay. 2 miles in, 2 miles out. then more to the actual hot springs. i fell in water, it was constantly raining, the tent got soaked, there was no shelter. and we all kicked ass. it was quite the accomplishment, not only to exercise more than i have in months but to not throw a tantrum when things weren't going my way. i was miserable at times, and i was joyous at others... but more than anything i was just excited and proud to be doing something different with people who have the best outlook on life. that i think, is key.
i was saddened today, because a very good friend of mine dropped me drastically on her myspace page. why? i don't really know, but it's not for me to know. i ended up crying for a bit and called alea to talk it over, hoping maybe she'd have some words for me. it's hard for me to understand why people do things like that just to stab at someone. maybe it's not all that meaningful to them, it is to me. i don't have many friends, and the ones i do have i would like to think are people i can trust with anything. there are lots of reasons this could have happened, but the bottom line is - only do what you feel, and what you want... don't do it to hurt someone else.
in this case, i don't really think it was done intentionally to hurt me... but it did. this is someone who has already hurt me in the past, someone i forgave for making stupid choices. and now this. half of me wants to say fuck it and completely end the friendship, but the other half knows that things change, people evolve, friends grow apart. again, i could blame this on so many things... people. sigh.
whatever. life is what it is. i plan on making mine as positive as my head will allow one step at a time from here on out. i'll surround myself with positive people, positive thinkers, positive energy.
all is full of love.
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April 30th, 2007
03:17 pm
if i am so god damn important at work, and they just can't live without me, why the fuck do i feel like just another employee???
will all this hard work really pay off like they say it does?
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/nolegs/frustrated.gif) frustrated
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March 19th, 2007
01:22 pm - life is gouda!
wow, it's been quite some time since i've updated.
go me. stupid.
we vacationed in hawaii for almost 2 weeks. it was grand. spent too much time with the family (although alea would state otherwise). didn't really get any alone time, but i'm over it. i just know now to save at least one vacation week for me and me alone. i really should have done it this time, but i didn't realize. i thought it would be more of a vacation, rather than just running around with the family and beaching it every day.
went to the erotic art festival this weekend. it was aiight. lots of erotic art, some REALLY good stuff. problem was, nobody i was with was really into it as much as i was. so we meandered around for a while and had a couple of drinks and blew that popstand. makes me kinda sad, since i would have enjoyed it SO much more if i had been with art lovers. le sigh. i also ran into a friend whom i haven't met in person yet and i totally blew her off. i didn't mean to, i'm just real shy so i dropped the ball in saying hello. oh. and that reminds me, i ran into another acquaintance and chatted with her for a while. not being totally aware or comfortable with my surroundings, my eyes wandered - apparantely one too many times... and she cut the conversation short, reeeal short - saying "well have fun. see you around." then she just stood there like I had better things to do. I'm an ass, really. somehow i turned into the pretentious art jerk i had been avoiding all night, without even knowing it... i really REALLY wish i was a lot more self confident to hold a decent conversation with a lovely imaginative person, and be my fucking self without being a nervous wreck.
our new home is just lovely. it's coming together so nicely. we moved the bedroom upstairs, the tv/chill room downstairs. it works much better. decorating is tough, and fucking expensive, but thanks to wonderful friends like jason, we're getting a lot of lovely lovely donations.
i had an interview with cafe laddro last thursday. i had spoke to the baking manager a while back to see about an entry level baking position... this time i actually sat down with him, for a part time prep position. i think he liked me but i haven't heard anything yet. i still have hope, and a deep deep calling (the uncooked ham croissants made me grin from ear to ear!)... great thing too about this position, i'd be working 5-8ish 4 days a week, so i could keep my present (and well paying) 8-430 AND this position may just lead to the entry level baking position. the wage sucks, but the experience would rock. i s'pose you have to start at the bottom and scratch your way up, right??? good thoughts.
anyway, that's about it for now. nothing much else has changed. life is superb.
i just wish i lived closer to my family, i miss them so very very much.
xo
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November 28th, 2006
01:15 pm
so yesterday i wasn't feeling much like writing. that's ok... i don't really feel like writing today either.
i do though, want to get some stuff off my chest and this here is the outlet to do it, that is until my therapy appt tomorrow.
so, yeah.
i read jenn's myspace profile today. it made me sad, the horrible things she said so long ago.
i guess i still haven't healed completely from it. but how do you go from loving to dismissing so fast?
love never ends, to me... if it wasn't true, it wouldn't still be - that's how i know.
all i can do is pick up the pieces and carry on. i think it's time to talk this one out.
we are moving next month to a really great place. it's a 2 story, 2-ish bedroom, 1 bath.
it's expensive, but i know it will be good. i need my space, i need my sanity, i need escape routes.
i need to do something with my car. i wish there was an inexpensive garage or something.
if it was up to me alone, i'd be selling the bitch ass thing and paying off my debt and moving to hawaii.
pronto, jack. hey, i never thought of that. i think my car would just about cover my debt.
medical bills, nevermind.
my boss pulled me aside the week before last. she wanted to know what was up since i'd been acting funny.
acting, you say??? no, i just can't handle her and those mood swings anymore. so i layed it all out.
basically calling her out and telling her i thought she'd benefit from thereapy and medication.
she acknowledged what i said, but brushed it off quickly. no doubt, who wants to be told they're crazy???
anyway, things seem to be better. she's turned down her screeching, at least she did.
after the holiday weekend, she seems to have forgotten our conversation. whatever, it's beyond me, and i'll be dead soon.
it snowed yesterday and the day before. it's fan-freakin'-tastic. i do love it, but man is it ever cold!!!
twenty some degrees they say. brr. brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. so glad i'm inside bundled up in my coat and scarf.
it's so freakin' cold in here too, since when do we have to bundle up indoors in downtown washington???
if i was outside i'd be real fun to walk behind. i'm an ass powered fart machine today! woot woot!
let's see, what else. the holiday was grand.
i got to see all my family - the modelesque cousins and recovering uncles. recovering, ha!
i mended some badly damaged relationships, and i intend on making them better than ever in the coming years.
we only have so many, and i've missed to much time hanging on to bitterness.
i need to call my aunt, and my nana. i really wish i had more time to visit, that would be wonderful.
my therapy is moving along swimmingly. i love my therapist and we are breaking boundaries i never thought i would.
boundaries i never thought existed. there are so many things that keep popping up, it's hard to focus on one.
i need to start journaling again, at least jotting stuff down so i can remember things.
such as:
• my uncle said i was not the favorite growing up, go figure - so he made me his.
i passed this by my mom, all she did was laugh. i don't know what to think now.
• people are fucking beautiful, and i love them - even when i hate them.
• "i AM a good person", that's what i said during my last session. it was heart breaking.
• whether i want to or not, jenn needs to be discussed. it's really been getting to me and i need to bury it.
Mmmmmmmmmmm... teriyaki for lunch.
i love my wife.
xo
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/nolegs/uncomfortable.gif) cold
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November 27th, 2006
01:30 pm - for the 2 who have asked.
blaaaaaaaaaaaaargetty blah blah.
i'm 29.
i just returned home from a california trip.
i am moving into a new lovely apartment.
i still have a wife.
and some very good friends.
work is crap.
therapy is good.
i miss my family.
starting a boxing for fitness class soon.
i found my ex on myspace this morning.
she is on T, wtf? that makes 2.
it snowed yesterday.
and it's real cold in here now.
brrr.
i am boring.
i think i'll shuddup now.
bye.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/nolegs/bored.gif) bored
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September 5th, 2006
01:15 pm
i applied for a part time position at caffe ladro for an entry level baker.
the baking manager called me and we discussed a possible part (or FULL!) time position.
i am excited, but the pay is shit (to start at least).
my mom tells me not to quit my job, my heart's been telling me otherwise.
i also applied at costco.
it's the same, shit to start.
but experienced bakers can make up to $22 and i hear they sometime pay for schooling.
regardless, my time here is limited.
i got a hair cut with side bangs.
my hair is not following directions.
i think i'll go buy some candy now.
peace out.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/nolegs/excited.gif) excited
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August 18th, 2006
09:09 am - i gotta poop.
and i sit here at work waiting for the right time to go... does anyone else see something wrong with that???
i missed yesterday, said i had a headache (which i did, at first) cuz i just didn't want to be here. after a discussion with a coworker this morning, i feel much better... like i had every right to miss yet another day. work currently drains my will to live. i'd rather be in a hospital bed (morphine and all!) than sit here (busy or not) any day.
my other coworker gets canned today. it's a relief, but so much hard work (training, etc) up ahead. she sits there with her hands folded, then leaning her face on one hand... as if she knows. almost a year to date - i feel sorry for her cuz i think she has yet to realize this place AIN'T where it's at.
the family leaves tuesday... i have to get off early to take them to the airport. i wonder how i'm gonna juggle that one with the new girl and my boss. eh, whatever.
i'm off to poop now.
lasagna dinner last night was spectacular. =)
it's makes me so very happy to cook for others.
big smiles and happy wishes to all for a splendid weekend.
cheers!
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/nolegs/happy.gif) happy
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August 8th, 2006
08:35 am - we gots a hot/cold water dispenser at work!
i got a text from my sister this morning asking if i ever woke up wishing i was someone else. for the first time in a long time my immediate answer was no... but not because i am deliriously happy... that shit's for saps, but because i know i could be in another's shoes and i'd still have something negative to say about it. so, here i am... stuck with me - no wishes for changing that - just thoughts of changing most other things. i want a desk job... something i don't have to think about doing... where i don't have to interact with anyone other than over the phone if i choose... where my brain can rest. i want to live in the mountains with my family, and wake up every morning wanting to come out and see the sun and the trees and the smiling faces of those i love. long days spent taking in life, appreciating one another, chatting over endless cups of coffee. i disposed of the stickies on my work computer reminding me of shit i can't forget... until the next round comes along. countdown till my coworker gets canned, i wish it was me collecting compensation for not working out opposed to working and working and working... vacation just doesn't fix it anymore, not even for one lousy hour. the homefront is near perfection, because i have let most petty BS go... life is too short. now, if i could just find some concrete shoes...
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/nolegs/restless.gif) restless
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July 24th, 2006
02:23 pm - stress is a pain in the neck...
literally!
i woke up this morning with the worst pain in the left side of my neck... down the back through my shoulder blade... now, it's continued to the right side, just not as bad... my shoulder hurts. fucking retarded.
the weekend was horrendously hot. it had to be in the 90's... the apartment is always hot and our one fan doesn't do much other than blow warm air at you and allow for minimal circulation. it gets way worse in the afternoon when the sun comes over the top of the apartment building... then it's direct heat warming the inside close to 100... just in time for us to come home to! i can't take it anymore, it's so fucking gross and it makes life miserable. whatever though, it's better than california weather... at least we get breaks, but i suppose the heat seems worse when you don't feel it ALL the time. eh ugh. alea is set on getting an air conditioner, but i don't know if we'll be able to afford one any time soon or if it will even work. hmmf.
alea's sister is coming tomorrow with her 2 kids for a month visit. i'm excited to meet them all, especially the baby but i'm also really nervous and stressed too. we don't have much money and it'd be nice to be able to cater to them like i'd like. with 5 of us in a 1 bedroom apartment the stress may be worse than it was with jenn 'living' with us. i intend to bond with them all like family so it should be easier if i can just allow myself to relax around new people. fucking anxiety. i guess we will see, but i've got the feeling it will be easier than i'm thinking...
life on prozac is the same. i'm not as sad all the time anymore, but i still bouts of it. it's only been a couple of weeks so the full affect hasn't taken place... i am feeling quite pessimistic about long term affects but i'm trying to stay hopeful.
i've got gas today.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/nolegs/sore.gif) sore
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July 7th, 2006
01:50 pm - i like coffee.
my appt with the shrink went better than expected. i am pleased.
my dr prescribed prozac. i took the first dose this morning.
alea loves my dr cuz of the way she views medication. this makes me happy.
Current Mood: accomplished
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July 5th, 2006
03:49 pm - holy jesus of the baby kind...
i have another appt with the therapist today. i don't like her cuz she's stupid.
i've decided to revert back to my old ways and down the feel good pill prozac once again... i fucking hate medication, but tomorrow i will fill a prescription for it. expect a brand new outlook on life in 4-6 weeks.
my boss is a fucking psychopath.
the wife and i are attending yet another mindless show tonight... i think that makes 6 for me. yay! it's funny how i always attend with someone new. hmm...
hope everyone had a splendid 4th!
cheerio, right.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/nolegs/annoyed.gif) annoyed
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June 28th, 2006
01:15 pm
i have an appt with a female therapist today... i'm nervous even though i know better. i filed my nails down to nothing while chatting on the phone here at work, i didn't realize it was getting painful until one of my fingers started to bleed. my mind isn't functioning today and i don't think it's been up to par in some time. hopefully soon, my brain and body will connect once again and i can begin to take care of myself the way i deserve. last night was splendid, my first real comfortable night in the new bed. it's fucking amazing and the last thing i wanted to do this morning was get out of it. yay for cooler weather, but i hear another heat wave is due to hit this weekend...
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June 21st, 2006
02:24 pm - not user friendly
work is the shit... not in a good way, that is.
i am depressed. never before has it ever been this bad. i flipped out about a week ago which prompted the psych visit... i won't go into detail, just cuz it will bring me to tears but i will say it was fuckin' bad. i've been crying for the most part of 2 weeks - last night again, terrible. i am tired of coming to work with puffy eyes, i am tired of the headaches from the stress of crying, i am tired of feeling like a pile of shit all the fucking time.
if it wasn't for alea i don't know what i would be.
the thought of therapy gives me hope, and the possible early treatment of medication leaves me feeling pathetic yet relieved. i hope i get a call soon for my placement with a therapist and i hope i get an appointment sooner. i can't take much more of this...
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/nolegs/depressed.gif) depressed
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June 16th, 2006
10:28 am - 28 and ticking...
i met with a therapy intern yesterday... about an hour and a half of questions, just for intake - background and shit. i cried like 3 or 4 different times, i felt like such a pussy. alea was in the room with me since i thought it was going to be like all the other times i'd started therapy... "tell me about a time when..." i can never remember anything, and since alea and i have been living together for the passed few months i figure she's the best person to help me remember shit. but no, it was different this time... just a lot of background, and as always i found it most difficult when i was asked to give describing words... sometimes i really think i'm under-educated, and that makes me so fucking sad.
anyway, i really liked this guy i saw last night... i am getting 'assigned' a counselor, but requested him.. he must be popular cuz he said his schedule was most likely full but that he'd do what he could. i hope so, it was easy to talk and i didn't feel in the slightest way judged... maybe it's cuz it's a 'family' (meaning homo) community center. funny, it was the first center i was told about when i first wanted therapy again over a year ago... and it's pretty much the last one i was willing to try. they got me in immediately and now i have 1-10 days to be assigned to someone... i'm on a sliding scale with an intern (only $30 - the interns are in their last year before getting licensed.) and if i was to see a licensed therapist it would still be cheaper than using my insurance. fucking crazy, right? i find it amusing that mental health care is only 50% covered where something so new as acupuncture is 80% covered, which i'm also thinking about getting for stress. but really now... hello world? we're all fucking CRAZY and we all need therapy i'm sure for one thing or another.
whew. i'm satisfied with yesterday... i got a little upset at work since i was forced to work my ass off the last hour i was here... whatever. it's my fucking job and i really shouldn't whine about it.. i have one, a good paying one with great people, a great company... tell me to shut up some one! =) money made MAD MAD fajitas (pronounced fah-he-tahs for you white folk) and we invited mel and amber over... they are really cool, but are moving back to california... sucks, but i'm glad i met them. adam came over later as well... we all drank beer and smoked pot and just chatted... it was really nice and totally fun. i am a bit tired today and i forgot i'm taking BV meds that i'm not supposed to drink on... i think that may have something to do with why i feel kinda crappy today.
i got a pap last week and was tested for stds and such after having a wart scare. i only assumed it was a wart but turns out it's just a normal growth on my vagigi... i know, i know - tmi - but whatever again... you wanna know EXACTLY where it is??? hahaha... <3<3<3 she said it'd probably go away on it's own and really didn't need to be removed unless it was bothering me. if it gets bigger - i'd say the current diameter is pea-like - i will definately be needing to get the fucker chopped... ew. ow. ew. so yeah, my pap hasn't come back yet but i am negative for all stds and hiv. i'd never been tested before so i was real nervous so yay... celebrating time!!! my thyroid is totally normal as well... now if i could just keep this GD BV away for good. rawr.
there is a lot going on this weekend, but it will all be shadowed by a looming dark cloud... the cloud is taking my only real friend going away for months... in that time i hope to accomplish a lot, cuz i've been 'meaning' to do a lot of things... and it just so happens that this really great friend has inspired me so with all the good deeds she does. money love money LOVE.
mad.
i hope today flys by. i need a nap.
congrats to my lady friends in philly on your newly joined life. i love you guys and i wish you the best. fuck a lot and love each other with all you got... and get your fucking asses out here to visit me. GAWD!
<3
Current Mood: happy
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June 8th, 2006
01:05 pm - the gap in my teeth is really beginning to get on my nerves
i'm sitting here eating a salad for lunch and guess who decides to take lunch with me? every fucking day, i swear to god... i'll go get my food out of the frig and then usually tie up loose ends or whatever, then i sit down and bla-dow! "jenn, i'm gonna go get lunch". umm, ok. then she sits there with the usual piece of pizza and coke. every fucking day. EVERY DAY. i don't know why i let it get to me, she works when she's on her lunch (ie. answers the phones, helps customers) but now that we have to clock out i think it'd be of her best interest to take her lunch when i'm not. i won't work on mine, i'm sorry... and if i have to i'll leave the shop so i don't. i just don't get why when i eat, she eats... it's like a weird ritual thing for her or something, i'll be glad when she's gone... which i keep fucking saying, and i've been saying it for a GD year now... and still, she was supposed to be fired tomorrow but once again things aren't working out at the other shop so we wait... and wait. she's been here almost a year, i think it's pretty shitty to tell someone they just aren't working out after that long of a period... but whatever, it's not my business - i just work here.
life is good. we are looking for a new place. i really want wood floors and preferrably a bay window. clawfoot tub. you know, an older style building. i don't know why i'm trying to fool myself, i'm sure i'll be itching to move after i find 'the perfect place' a year after i move in... geez, if only my mind would rest.
speaking of, i rested well last night. i got really stoned and actually relaxed... i smoke too often, and my body is used to it. i realize i need to take breaks and use it as i need it. like everything, i abuse. shit.
my car still hasn't sold. it sucks, but i'm beginning to rethink it anyway. i just know after i sell it alea's van is gonna take a shit... and why am i so pessamistic? hmmmmmm... ask my mother. i am going to get the registration tonight since finding out it's illegal to sell and unregistered car in the state of washington... and hopefully after there will be a couple looking at it... hmm. next step after this is getting my GD license again, so i can actually use the car if it doesn't sell. i got to teach alea to drive stick...
summer is almost here. it's gonna be hot and i'm still gonna be fat and uncomfortable. it's really irritating when your legs rub together and chafe your inner thighs. mmm... delicious! it's time again to bust some ass... i fucking love it a lot.
house party this weekend. i'm excited. yeah.
i need to sleep cuz my body and my mind are falling apart. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Current Mood: annoyed
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May 22nd, 2006
12:50 pm
it's raining again. oh, poo! the weather WAS so nice and warm and sunny... i thought it was going to stick this time. i think we all did.
this weekend consisted of nada... nothing to you unknowers. i came down with a cold friday night, after having movie/date night with alea. we pulled the matress out to the living room to watch our rented movies and the fan overhead was on full blast cuz it was so damn hot... the next morning i woke up with a sore throat... snot followed, now a cough. i feel ok, a bit run down but overall good. my sore throat is pretty much gone, but now the nagging dry cough... crusty sore red nose. blah!
friday after work i went to my car at gina's house and pulled out the manual and got the VIN # for anyone who wanted it. i got another call over the weekend, but i didn't get to my phone in time and upon returning the call i got a VM. suck, dude. the chick who called me last week wanting my VIN # for a carfax report hasn't returned my call... and the one who e-mailed said her husband decided on a new car... errg arrg. whatever, i'm not stressing about it. i'll leave it at gina's til the end of the month and then who fucking knows... i guess i'll have to break and get tabs for it - which means i'll have to make the trek to zoe's so i can get out of paying for all the seattle BS they tax us for. then i can leave it on the street until i get a buyer. i'd leave it at zoe's but it would be quite a hassle to show anyone or do test drives. i should take it to a dealer, buy a scooter. i'm totally kidding.
i also grabbed the last of jenn's (ex-bff) stuff out of my trunk and took it over to her and zandi's apartment. alea said both cars were in the drive but i didn't even look. the blinds were open all the way and alea said there were boxes everywhere, moving to new mexico i hear... we put the stuff on the porch and left. i didn't want them to know we were there, mainly cuz i don't want to see either of them. i can only assume why they are leaving the state, but it doesn't much matter. once i find out they are good and gone i'm hoping my sense of home will come back. i haven't felt wanted or loved or at home in this city for months... i can only blame what's happened with jenn. if things don't change by the end of the year (which is a long ways away but so very close) i'll most likely be in new territory shortly thereafter. i'm bored, i'm unhappy and i'm lonely here. running isn't the way, i know... but i also know that moving to unknown territory brightens my outlook. hmmf. and hmmf. i can keep wondering for the rest of my life and never find home, but i don't ever want to settle.
alea and i are doing really wonderfully. i'd be dishonest if i said i didn't want to spend the rest of my life with her, but i know i know... it's only been a few months and it's way too early to tell. things change so rapidly, people and circumstances change, life changes. we have had our disagreements about certain things, but she's always willing to work with me on them as am i. i think it's a bit harder for me to change my ways, just because i'm more set in them and well, stubborn... she's been really great though, very understanding and flexible with my faults. i am a lucky girl.
the gogo's are on! my itunes that is... i am happy today. if only this effin' cough would go away.
i need to get some post cards... and fun stuff. hmm...... hmmmm................
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/nolegs/bounce.gif) bouncy
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May 18th, 2006
09:22 am - beautiful stranger
List 10 things you want to say to 10 different people. Do not state who these people are. Do not confirm or deny any "comment speculation".
1. i love you so fucking much and i am so fucking afraid to lose you.
2. thank you for coming into our lives and making them better. i love you.
3. sometimes i wish i could rip your head off and replace it with mine, you tard.
4. i'd love more than anything to punch you in the fucking jaw, but i don't want to chip a nail.
5. you are my dreamweaver and i fucking love you.
6. i can see the future and it makes me smile so damn hard.
7. you fucked up, you pathetic pile of smelly poo.
8. (CAKE FIGHT)
9. i have loved you since the moment i met you, but seriously pull your head out of your ass.
10. the love i have in my heart for you is uncomparable.
Current Mood: cheerful
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May 17th, 2006
03:40 pm - for sharon... you little bitch!
i've been 'nudged' to post, so here it goes...
vacation went very well. alea got to meet my stepdad, my sister and her bf, my uncles, my dad, his wife, my half brothers, and my grandma and aunt... wow, that's a lot of people - i hadn't realized! vegas was cool. the first night i dropped a $1 into a kenny rogers slot machine and ended up winning $130 - yay for penny slots!! we won another $150 at the wynn casino and right after cashing it in we ventured to another set of machines and i found a $60 ticket just chillin' waiting for me to snatch it up... so, we dropped a couple of $20's but came out on top as well... we saw 'le reve' at the wynn with my mom, sister and uncles. it was really good - a water show - interactive, with all kinds of interesting characters. the last night i played $10 at our favorite 'price is right' slots (SOOOOOOO FUN!!!) and after a few showcases and bonus rounds i came out on top with almost $40. i probably would have won more had i continued to play, but it was almost midnight and we had to get up real early to head home... i would really like to buy a 'price is right' slot machine for my house, but i think alea and i would be fighting over it most of the time so yeah. ugh.
we are looking to adopt a puppy... dog or whatever. alea really wants a puppy, but i'm down to adopt an adult as long as i can rescue it. it makes me real sad to see all the animals that don't find homes and i know that puppies are always adopted first. i think we are gonna take a trip this weekend to portland to see a few pups they have available at the humane society. i was looking at a specific blue healer, she's white and adorable - they named her lily, which will have to change for most obvious reasons. haha. i've always wanted to name a pup peanut, alea's choice is zero, but i think that would be better suited for a large dog - a weimie in the future! i am especially leery to bring a dog into an apartment situation, so i'll have to do some research so that the pup is happy and able to do well in a small environment. i'll keep ya'll updated!
life is good, other than the ex-bff situation. her and her mate are continually harping on mutual friends. i have no idea why, but whatever. i figure you can only bad mouth a person so much until every one is over it. i blogged on my myspace about it, cuz i want her to know that i know - i mostly want her to get the fuck over it. i have, and i'm not even the guilty party in the situation (although i'm sure she would say otherwise). her sister really pissed me off though, who has since written me off as well saying she couldn't be friends with me since she was 'loyal' to her sister, and if i couldn't understand a family's loyalty then she felt sorry for me. things got a little misinterpreted i think, since we were emailing but whatever. if a 6 year relationship with me (including times where i was told i was family) isn't enough for and kind of 'loyalty' be it blood or not i am better off without. the pictures i've taken down of my ex bff are to never go up again, since i have forgiven her but i haven't forgotten. things are still fresh, and she's still talking shit in her now private myspace page and blogs, so it's hard to imagine her ever being in my life again. 6 years. it's a waste and it's so very very pathetic and sad. when her mate decides to dump her, which i know will happen because i'm TOTALLY psychic she'll realize what she's done and it will be too late. it already is.
my NEW and improved bff's b-day is today! i love you money so very much... and we are gonna go celebrate party girl style at some place i've never been to. it will be fun, i hope lots of people show up for her... she's a wonderful person and the light of my life, kinda like i would imagine a child to be - except she's got massive tatas. haha. MUAH!
i put my car up for sale today on craigslist and even though i specifically said not to call on weekdays til after 5pm i am kinda nervous not getting even one email or call. people don't follow instructions, that's the way it is so... hopefully luck is on my side and some really awesome person will buy him. my first brand new paid off car, soon to be bye bye... it's sad, but i never use him... poor mr miagi.
so yeah, there's my update! i hope it was all that you imagined and more... =)
Current Mood: accomplished
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April 27th, 2006
04:03 pm - no FUCKING subject
i'm in pain.
i'm fucking angry.
and i can't stop thinking about poking their GD eyeballs out with WHITE HOT LEAD.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/nolegs/pissed.gif) pissed off
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April 24th, 2006
04:13 pm - weird... i think this may be correct!
Find your own pose!
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/nolegs/listless.gif) listless
Current Music: bang! bang! bang!
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